As a parent, it is hard to stay yourself because everyone else comes in front of you. You always think about your children. And that is OK. It comes naturally. You get used to it and you find your happiness in it.
Time flies by and you start to forget how it was before kids. Actually no, you never forget. You just swipe it below the carpet because it ain’t ever coming back. Or is it?
This mom describes nicely the loss of your own self in a beautiful way: I could have had freedom—instead, I had kids.
How to stay yourself?
Forget your audience
There are moments when I want to do something for myself. I ask to take a weekend off. To work for an evening. When I share it with others they often say:
“But your baby is still so small! You will have your time later on”.
I don’t let this comments in. I ignore it. It is not my job to explain myself. I am always happy to take off from being a mum. I am proud of it. I am confident that it is needed.
I am learning to enjoy my free time without feeling the mum guilt. In order to do that I always remind myself that I am a great mother. I gave them away everything I could: my body, my career, my time. I don’t care what others are thinking about me taking a break.
Get to know each other
Motherhood comes with a big identity crisis. We temporarily forget about who we are because we are building a new person. Mother is born.
But there are some things about me that I just can’t change.
I am bored with sitting in a sandpit. I absolutely hate that sand gets inside every inch of my body.
My kids know it. I will not pretend to be someone else. We still play in the sandpit but when I need off, I let the dad do the job. Why? I don’t want to teach my children that they should be afraid to be who they want to be. They don’t have to please anyone.
I let them get to know me. We love to paint together and then they have my 100% attention. I am proud to say that I always managed to give something more interesting to do than watching a screen.
Have your jam
I didn’t forget my hobbies and my job. I might not have as much freedom as before but kids don’t stop me from anything. I ask for weekends of to grow my career. I take my dog for walks so that I can hide with my smoke. I might not be proud of everything I do. But this is who I am.
I love every moment of my work and I can say at the end of the day that I did something good for myself. It is my way of self-care. When I was drawing this illustration I felt so empowered and free.
Finally, I do love my raspberry jam. I know kids should never see it. But I can’t help myself and let them have a bite sometime…ups.
Doing motherhood all on your own sounds romantic and seems awesome for the kids. Some mothers love taking care and nursing others. That is amazing and I am a true fan!
But I am not a born housewife and I enjoy many other things. I get help with cleaning the house. My husband cooks much better than me so we do it together.
I am also not able to entertain my kids with quality time everyday. So I let them enjoy the time with other kids couple of days per week in the nursery.
Being alone is cool sometimes. I am thrilled to be in the toilet on my own.
No matter how ugly I am. No matter how boring I am just let me be me. I will let you be yourself too.